


Yesterday Is History

by BWaves



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anyways, Bc there's no avoiding it, John dies sorry, Just spoiling it now, M/M, Main Character Death, Sadstuck, Sickness, Unnames disease I don't need to specify yknow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 18:23:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1397932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BWaves/pseuds/BWaves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You were both just waiting for it to happen. It was so close, it seemed any day could be his last and he was still deteriorating. He barely had the strength to talk to you until he told you he was tired. Really tired. Like a tired he'd never known before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yesterday Is History

**Author's Note:**

> The song Mirrors, by Justin Timberlake came on the radio and I thought of this. Idk. Just a suggestion though, DEF listen to it while reading.

When the doctor told you that he wasn't going to make it to summer you broke down. John continued to tell you it was going to be okay, that you would be fine. He tells you he had long accepted that he was going to die, but you hadn't. You weren't even fucking close, in any sense of the word. You cried more in his last two months than he did the entire time he was sick.

He got weaker every day. The day you walked in and he was barely able to lift his arm to wave at you made you miss the days he was healthy enough to laugh when he told a terrible joke, or pulled an awful prank with one of the nurse's help.

You were both just waiting for it to happen. It was so close, it seemed any day could be his last and he was still deteriorating. He barely had the strength to talk to you until he told you he was tired. Really tired. Like a tired he'd never known before.

You both knew.

He made one final request. Asking you to sing him a song. You had a terrible voice, but he always proclaimed to love it. Now, though, it was different. You pulled a shuddering breath. You hugged yourself tightly in your chair and curled. You didn't want to have the last thing he heard be your terrible singing. You tell him that he should ask Rose for that and he tells you not to be stupid and “It has to be you.”

There's a pain in your chest as you quietly agree, and stand, carefully scooting him over and climbing up next to him, resting your head on his shoulder. This may very well be his last request. You want to honor it. You ask if he wants anything in particular and he says he wants to know how you feel in this moment.

And the song that comes to mind makes your stomach twist and there's a sting behind your eyes as you nod a little bit.

“ _Aren't you somethin' to admire?_ ” You start, quiet. You feel like you're going to break. “ _'Cause your shine is somethin' like a mirror, and I can't help but notice, you reflect in this heart of mine._ ” There's a crack in your voice by the end of the line, but you force it away. John asked you to sing. “ _If you ever feel alone and, The glare makes me hard to find, Just know that I'm always, Parallel on the other side._ ”

You listen to him between words, listen to the way he hums softly, and you can imagine him smiling like he used to, before he got sick, and it makes the tears spill over. Just a few.

“ _'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul, I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go,_ ” A few of the words wobble, and John relaxes under you, “ _Just put your hand on the glass, I'll be tryin' to pull you through, You just gotta be strong._ ” A hand surprises you, rubbing your back, and you can't believe that he's the one dying and you're the one who's being comforted through it.

“ _'Cause I don't wanna lose you now,_ ” And you really don't. “ _I'm lookin' right at the other half of me, The vacancy that sat in my heart, Is a space that now you hold._ ” You've been together for so long. Your throat is tight and your voice is cracking around tears. Fuck this is so hard.

“ _Show me how to fight for now, And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy, Comin' back here to you once I figured it out._ ” His hand is moving slower. The press of it getting weaker. “ _You were right here all along._ ”

“ _It's like you're my mirror._ ” Your voice does a hideous pitch change on the word 'mirror' but you don't let yourself stop, you just swallow it and go on. “ _My mirror staring back at me, I couldn't get any bigger, With anyone else beside of me._ ” 'Me' is just a sob. A sob that shakes you to your core as his hand slips off your back, and his finger are all that run weak circles against your back. “ _And now it's clear as this promise, That we're making two reflections into one, 'Cause it's like you're my mirror..._ ” And he's so still.

“ _My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me..._ ” You dare to sit up, to look at him. He's so pale. He used to be tan, and you compared him jokingly to caramel and he laughed with you about it but now he's paler than you.

Those beautiful blue eyes are closed, the unreal shade unseen by you.

And he's smiling.

You continue your song.

“ _Aren't you somethin', an original, 'Cause it doesn't seem merely a sample, And I can't help but stare, 'cause, I see truth somewhere in your eyes._ ” You see a nurse walk up to the door before looking through the window and seeing you. She holds eye contact for only a moment, a frown evident on her face. You manage to will her away.

“ _I can't ever change without you, You reflect me, I love that about you, And if I could, I would look at us all the time._ ”

“ _'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul, I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go, Just put your hand on the glass, I'll be tryin' to pull you through, You just gotta be strong._ ” The words are slowly deteriorating in coherency as you go and his fingers grow still. He grips the back of your sweater instead. As if to show you he's still listening.

“ _'Cause I don't wanna lose you now, I'm lookin' right at the other half of me, The vacancy that sat in my heart, Is a space that now you hold, Show me how to fight for now, And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy, Comin' back here to you once I figured it out, You were right here all along._ ” And the words are coming slower now. The heart monitor continues to go on in the back of your mind.

" _It's like you're my mirror, My mirror staring back at me, I couldn't get any bigger, With anyone else beside of me, And now it's clear as this promise, That we're making two reflections into one, 'Cause it's like you're my mirror, My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me._ ” With the way your voice is cracking, you're sure you sound like you're going through puberty again. You look up and see John is still smiling.

“ _Yesterday is history,_ ” You feel the grip get weaker. “ _Tomorrow's a mystery,_ ” His hand slips a bit, losing the touch but his smile remains. “ _I can see you lookin' back at me, Keep your eyes on me, Baby, keep your eyes on me._ ” Please.

You hiccup through the first part of the chorus one more time, his expression losing what little life it had left.

“ _It's like you're my mirror._ ” You run your hand carefully down his arm, hooking your fingers between his and giving a soft squeeze. “ _My mirror staring back at me._ ” He returns it with an even softer squeeze. “ _I couldn't get any bigger, With anyone else beside of me._ ” The nurse is back now, standing by the door with a sad frown. “ _And now it's clear as this promise, That we're making two reflections into one._ ” He mumbles something. It sounded like 'I love you'.

“ _'Cause it's like your my mirror._ ” Your grip on his limp hand tightens, “ _My mirror staring-_ ” The words drop off when the beeping stops. It jut stops. And the words you were about to say are gone.

After a moment your voice comes back as begs and pleads to pleas “-please don't die, fuck, don't leave me here!”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry I'm such a terrible person for doing this instead of TTT, BCBL or TBIM I'M SO SORRY UGH


End file.
